It Is All Happening Now

Here is an expose about what author, Jeremy Robert Johnson, did during the decades between the release of his current book and his former book: http://bizarrocentral.com/2012/03/07/jeremy-robert-johnson-behind-the-music/

Here is a prose poem of mine that I wrote for the Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster anthology that ended up on the cutting room floor:

Global Pirating

Captain Jolly Jill Rotgut is very concerned with the environmental issues facing the world today. She is extremely concerned with the dangers of global warming. As she turns the wheel of the Shoddy Barnacle and orders her crew to decimate the sunbathers on the mainland, she thinks about the decisions that had brought her to this moment. Was all the looting and pillaging and decapitating worth becoming an environmental activist? Her first mate fires a cannonball into the belly of a tourist from Wisconsin and dives into the ocean to steal the postcards the deceased man bought from the beach’s gift shop.  The pirate captain winces at the tattered remains. She wishes she could sail up and down the Long Island Sound without engaging in this sort of violence. She wishes she could show off her swashbuckling garb as smiling children wait for her on the shore so she can bring them candy. But those days are long gone. Pirates who revel in peace and love are attacked by the coast guard.  The law enforcers of the sea are so intimidated by those who rape and murder and brew grog that they leave the pirates alone. Leave them alone so their mere existences will diminish the average temperature of the Earth’s near-surface air and oceans. Smiling to herself, Captain Jolly Jill Rotgut admires the corpses decorating the blood-soaked sand and says, “Oh what an environmentally-conscious citizen o’ the world am I!”

To read Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, buy it here.

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