What up, bro? This is Rico Slade. Bradley is letting me take over his account until the end of July. That’s when I’ll untie him and stop force-feeding him frozen Cheeseburger Hot Pockets once an hour. I also let him wash it down with Fanta cause that’s the kind of stand-up guy I am.

I’m making Bradley donate all of July’s royalties from his book, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, to the American Decency Association. Cause Rico Slade is all about decency and family values and shit. America is the greatest nation in the world! And decency fucking rules! Rico Slade and the American Decency Association are for the children. We’re gonna have a team up and beat the crap out of pornography and indecent media. And if Bradley Sands doesn’t like it, he can just suck it! His book is about me. He’s gotta do what I tell him. Or else he’ll get a flying elbow to his nutsack. Listen up, Sands. Try to mess with me and use his royalties to pay off your cell phone bill and your testicles are gonna be so big that if you ever have children, they’ll be giant monster babies with testicles bigger than Godzilla’s. I kicked that lizard’s ass and I can take down your babies too.

So listen up. Buy Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You and help support a very kick-ass cause.

Rico Slade out!